Dr. Laura Berman returns to the Oprah show this time to talk about sex therapy. This round was more interesting to me because of the case studies shared to illustrate how sex (or lack of sex) impacts not only your relationships but also your health.

The couples featured should be commended for their willingness to share their stories. It can’t be easy to allow your most intimate thoughts to be broadcast to the world.

The first case involved a couple who’d been married for 13 years. Their sex life suffered after the husband, Shawn, witnessed the birth of their daughter. Somehow viewing the birth distorted Shawn’s view of his wife as a sexual being and he’d never gotten past that.

I’m torn about what to think of this “excuse” for not having sex. I’ve heard of men having similar reactions to childbirth. On one hand, I can see how viewing childbirth could cause a negative reaction. But as a woman and a mother, I really wanted to yell at this guy, “Grow up.” Withholding sex is not the answer to this problem. (Unless you want to live in a sexless marriage, that is.) Talking to your partner about your shift in perception and working through the fear that the various body parts won’t function properly post-baby is.

In the second case, the lack of sex was a by-product of the wife, Tamica’s fear that her husband, Marcus wasn’t meeting her expectations as a stable provider. Tamica had grown up in a family that struggled financially. Even though she was now living comfortably, Tamica just couldn’t let go of her fear. She didn’t trust that Marcus would always be there. And instead of sharing those fears, she kept them bottled up which caused her to become emotionally unavailable.

This issue hit home for me. It’s funny…most people don’t think about how issues from their childhood will come back to bite them in the ass later on in life. Many times we are told not to dwell on the past, so we try to move on. Unfortunately, if the core problem never gets resolved, it’s just another piece of baggage you carry with you into all of your future relationships until you decide to reflect and deal with it. Once Tamica was able to acknowledge her fears related to their financial situation and possibly being abandoned, the couple was able to figure out how to address her concerns so that she could feel secure. Once Tamica felt secure in the relationship, the couple’s sex life got back on track.

I realize that watching these problems be fixed in the course of an hour is unrealistic, but I think the thing people should take away from the experience is that in order to have a better sex life, you need to be willing to communicate with your partner openly and honestly. If you can’t do that, the relationship is in trouble from the get-go. I hope that people will think about doing what they can to improve the lines of communication and reap the benefits that are sure to follow.

Just finished watching today’s Oprah show which was supposed to reveal things that we didn’t know about sex. While I’m sure that there was new information presented to her target audience, I have to say that I’m a bit shocked to learn that many adults out there don’t seem to know the basics of human anatomy. No wonder there are so many unhappy people milling about. How can they possibly have satisfying sex lives if they don’t know the names and/or locations of the pleasure inducing body parts?

Kudos to Oprah’s sex-pert, Dr. Laura Berman, who presented the material in an open and non-judgmental way. I found it refreshing that she put the onus on women to take responsibility for their sexual happiness. So often, it seems that women fear telling their partners what they want. If you can’t tell them ladies, how are men supposed to get the job done? Your orgasm is not his responsibility. If you want to get there, you’ve got to help him find the way. And if you don’t know how to get there yourself, there’s no time like the present to learn.

I also liked Dr. Berman’s homework assignments. The first was to give your partner at least one 10 second kiss per day. We often get caught up in the rush of daily life and forget to shower a bit of affection on the people in our lives who need it most. So I’d like to go a step further and extend that assignment. If you have kids, make sure you’re giving them at least one big hug per day. If you have pets, an extra 10 seconds of petting, a belly rub or scratch behind the ears will do wonders for their spirits, too.

The second assignment was for the women. Get a mirror and take a look “down there.” Many of the women in Oprah’s audience shuddered at the thought. I’m here to tell you ladies that knowing yourself, your body, will lead to good things when you share them with your partner. And if you really want to make it fun, how ’bout letting them have a look, too?